She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
