Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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