That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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