drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
