I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
