i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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