I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands