I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it