Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night