I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
