She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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