i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
