two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
