if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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