She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
