Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
