how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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