matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
