she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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