just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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