So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
