I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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