Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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