you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
