can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
