I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
