Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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