Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
