i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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