I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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