remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
