And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
