I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
