somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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