I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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