I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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