I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
