both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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