Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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