Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
