I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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