Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
