i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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