six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want her autograph on my taint
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
