I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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