I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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