I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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