Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
