Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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