How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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