I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
