are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
