YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
