Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
