he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
