So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize