when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
we should paint friendship bongs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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