Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry about my life...
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