so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
