All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
