I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
did i just pee glitter
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
