Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
