On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
