I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
