So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
