Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
