I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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