I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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